Tomorrow I will be 4 weeks out of chemo, and I'll be heading home! Watch out St. John's!
I still feel the fatigue but I definitely don't feel as weak compared to what I felt the days after chemo. I would usually just start to feel good right before chemo and those days were very short lived because then I'd have to face chemo once again. I certainly don't feel like I did before Cancer came into my life but the best word to describe how I feel would be "refreshed". Knowing that from here its all uphill is a great feeling, mentally and physically. I don't ever have to face chemo again and I'm going back to school. I am finally getting my life back. A few months ago, I thought I had hit rock bottom. I didn't know I would be going back to school or how I could even afford to go back. Everything felt like it was so far away. Now everything is within reach and I am certainly going in for the grab. People ask when I plan to go back to school. When I tell them that I'm leaving so soon, they look so shocked. To be honest, I could have used a little more time to recover but there is no time like the present. I have been home for 7 months and have almost forgotten how to be independent. However; I cant wait to get back to my own routine and get back to my education. I beat Cancer so I'm hoping I still have the same strength to get through next semester. I am definitely not scared of going back tomorrow but I am a little nervous. What I am nervous about is getting back to my social life. I haven't really had one in the past 7 months. I feel like I have been under a rock the whole time. I have to learn to re-live my life because I know I always say I want to get back to normal, but I know it wont be the same before cancer. I feel like I will always have to explain myself when I meet new people. I still don't have the same energy nor look like 100% and I dont want people thinking I'm lazy nor not trying to look good but at the same time I don't want their pity. I just want them to at least "try" and understand. I think for my friends, it will definitely be an adjustment. Before, I would be down for anything. Now I have to think and make sure I really take care of my body and not over do it. I still have trouble handling alcohol. My body rejects it almost every time. Now when I go out, I will just have to enjoy myself while staying sober. Some of my friends saw me over the summer while I was in chemo, but I was only 2 or 4 treatments in. Now I've completed 12 and there is a huge difference in my energy and looks compared to then. I just have to take the next few months and move forward with my life and learn the ropes of life after cancer. At the beginning of this journey I thought this would be completely behind me after my last chemo. I was forunate enough to meet people on similar journeys who reminded me that nothing will be the same. I don't just magically get out of chemo and feel better. They reminded me that all these thoughts and emotions after cancer are completely normal too! I can't forget that by leaving tomorrow, I am leaving my care takers and main supporters of my support team behind which is my family. Yes, my friends supported me by keeping me in touch and encouraging me but my parents fed me, drove me to my appointments, saw me at my very worst and still stuck by me when I had my melt downs. I'm definitely going to miss all their support now that I'm heading out on my own. When I had my last Chemo on November 30th, I didn't feel done. I think it was because I still didn't have my life back. Tomorrow when I land in St. John's that will be when this chapter officially ends and a new chapter starts. That will be my ringing of the bell. When my friends arrive later on, that will be the big celebration. I can't wait to be surrounded by the people I've missed so dearly. I'm sure this next year will be extra special when we get to cherish each other so much more. The past 7 months haven't been the best, however I have learned so much and now look at life in a different life. Watch out NL, because I am coming back brighter and stronger. Nothing can take me away now.
3 Comments
darlene mcloughlin
12/27/2017 08:08:27 pm
Go get life and live it to the fullest. I am so happy for you and your family. Good luck at school and stay safe. I wish only smooth seas for a while until you get your sealers back .
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Joanne Duffy
12/28/2017 06:30:46 am
Well done Katie! It's onward and upward from here and I have no doubt you will be kicking ass in NL. Be kind to yourself on the way too.
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Barbara Murray
12/29/2017 08:24:53 am
Keep looking forward Katie, Recovery takes time but as you slip back into that life of being a student, a friend and a wonderful young woman, each day will bring you more exciting things to look forward to, and soon you will steaming ahead, all engines on full.
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Author: Katie BarkerJust an average Sailor who battled Cancer and won! Archives
August 2018
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