Today is my 21st Birthday. Never in a million years did I imagined spending my 21st birthday still in treatment. Nor did I imagine my 21st year the way it went. My last birthday was filled laughter, drinks and partying. I was surrounded by all my friends and I was the happiest I could be at that moment. It was the ideal 20th Birthday. I was no longer a teenager, I was finally an adult. I thought I was on my own and would no longer need my parents. Last year, I had it easy. Most people my age were struggling to figure out what they wanted to do or trying to find a job. I was in school and certainly had and still do have an idea of what I want in my future. I also knew that I was financially OK. My tuition was paid, my room was covered, I had a job and had the freedom to have fun once in a while. For the first time in a long time I felt like I belonged. I remember last year sitting with all my close friends at dinner (sneaking vodka into our water glasses) and thinking how did I get so lucky. I had the most amazing friends who supported me no matter what stupid decisions I made. I had everything I ever wanted for my 20th Birthday. I did realize that my 21st Birthday may be different. I had a plan to be on my work term and spending my 21st Birthday at sea which is pretty ideal for me! I thought to myself, "20 is going to be your year". Well I was certainly wrong about that, as you are wrong about a lot of things in your 20's. Quite quickly it was filled sadness and disappointment. The life that I thought was all mine was quickly taken. No more parties, no more school and now I had a certainly less social life. At 20, I lost my independence. I couldn't just come and go as I pleased. I was living under my parents roof which meant living under my parents rules. Being in treatment and being so far from my friends meant there wasn't much to do anyways. I basically conserved all my energy for when my friends did visit me. At 20, I felt like I was supposed to be at my prime, posting pics all dolled up and ready for a good time. Instead I handed in my hair curler and hair straightener for a hat to cover my now thinning hair. Instead of snap chatting pics at the gym, I was snapping pics of me at chemo. I struggled a lot with how "life is supposed to be". I was watching a lot of people move on in life, while I stood at a standstill. Everyone was getting engaged or married or having kids. Even those who weren't were travelling and having the time of their lives. Here I am, living at my parents...with cancer. Even though there some sad days, I have admit that I was taught some pretty good life lessons and had some of the most amazing life changing experiences. At only 20, I was faced with one of life's greatest challenges...having to beat cancer. I did at just the young age of 20! I think that's pretty bad ass. Now that I am 21, Id like to share with you some things I've learned before the age of 21. Now it would be cool if I wrote 21 things but nobody got time for that!...so here's 7: 1. Every day is a gift. Now that I'm 21, I will feel like I'm truly living. I believe that you can never truly live without having some bad cards dealt, because how can you enjoy the good days when you've never had a bad one. 2. Family will always be there for you. Even if you are many miles away, they will be by your side. 3. There is a plan for everybody in life, and when me make our own plans sometimes higher powers have something else in store for us. 4. Nothing will ruin your 20's more, than thinking you should already have your life together. Like I said, there is a plan for everyone. Everyone grows and faces different challenges at different times. 5, Everyone has a purpose in life. I don't believe that my purpose in life was to just have cancer but I believe I was meant to share my journey in order to help others 6. Only the strongest friendships pull through when times are tough. I was told that I may loose friends on the way. That didn't happen at all. I certainly realized that my time is better spent with the people that matter but my friends were right beside me the whole way. I even made new everlasting friendships along the way. I connected with other people who were faced with cancer. Like I have said before, it felt like I had known these people for years. I realized that I wouldn't have met them otherwise. 7. I've learnt that when you feel like you have absolutely nothing, you still have your attitude. Its up to you on how you decide to use it. I still have no idea why my 20s were as rough as they were. However with all the lessons I've learnt, I have no regrets. I really do hope that this next year of my life is certainly a lot a brighter. I have only 2 more treatments go. I'm already planning to go back to Newfoundland at the end of December and already have a place to live and courses picked out at school. My friends are over the moon about my return and I know I'll be back in good hands. Cheers to being 21!
2 Comments
|
Author: Katie BarkerJust an average Sailor who battled Cancer and won! Archives
August 2018
Categories |