As Forrest Gumps mama once said " Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get".
Well I certainly got a piece of shitty tasting chocolate. Like a dark chocolate that tastes like complete dirt but you have to awkwardly keep chewing it and smile because someone gave it to you. But I know that once that once I swallow that horribly tasting chocolate, there are delisous other flavors in that box, waiting for me to enjoy. This week has certainly been stormy. I've learned that I will probably have to go back to Ontario sooner than I planned. I've learned that I will get very sick and loose all my hair from the chemotherapy I will be receiving. I've realized that no matter how hard you try to stick to the "plan", it may never work out. I was told my whole life that my life was in my control. I didn't truly understand what that meant until now. Truth is we don't have full control to what happens to us. Life is how we handle situations that are thrown our way. I've learned that no matter how hard you try to stay on course, sometimes external forces will deviate you from your course. How you change your heading and get back on course is in your full control. I'm not scared. However, I am angry. No one will have ever the answers to our questions. Why me? What did I ever do? Why does this happen to someone so young? We will never know. All I know that some higher power is testing my strength. My outlook on life has drastically changed these past few days. Things like worrying about what I look like, what I dress like, who likes me used to stress me out. Now I couldn't care less. I've learned that friends, family and health are what is most important. I've realized that cancer affects everyone in your life. My family and friends will now need to support me more than ever. Some of my friends wont see me again until after I started Chemo, which means I wont look like the regular Katie. I know that I will need to support them as well. You are probably thinking how in the hell is she supposed to support them. Well, I plan to not let cancer take me. I plan to still be regular Katie, tough as nails, snappy attitude, down for anything and loud and in charge. This past week, each like, share or comment of encouragement has given me an extra push, smile, laugh and even a few tears of joy. The fact that people know I'm tough makes me stronger and ready to fight. I'm going to continue chewing the shitty tasting chocolate so soon enough I can finally enjoy a different piece. "A Smooth Sea Never made a Skillful Sailor"
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Author: Katie BarkerJust an average Sailor who battled Cancer and won! Archives
August 2018
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