Yesterday, I received AMAZING news which I am so very happy to share with you all! Last Tuesday, I traveled to Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto to have a PET scan done. Yesterday, I was told that nothing lit up on that scan, which means I'm technically CANCER FREE! However; I still have a quarter of my full treatment to go. Today I did Chemo #9, which means I still have 3 more to go to make sure its gone for good! When I received the news, I was honestly just relieved to know that the chemo was doing its job. The past chemo's were worth all the travelling and sickness. I was obviously hoping the scan would be clear but I did however mentally prepare myself for the opposite results, since I also never know what is going to happen. This incredible news also means that I can start planning to move back to Newfoundland in January! I cant believe I've reached this moment. When I was first diagnosed it seemed like it would take a lifetime. However; the past 5 months have gone pretty fast. My last Chemo is planned for November 30. I can't wait to get back to Newfoundland. When I shared the news with my friends back on the island they were beyond ecstatic. They definitely helped me get through this because I knew at the end of this I would have them to go back to. So they better enjoy the next few months of peace and quiet before I get there! Since my last post, many things have happened. First of all, like i mentioned before I BEAT CANCER and second of all, I chopped most of hair off. After Chemo #8, my scalp was getting so irritated. I had to stop putting some of hair in a small pony and I found that hats even started to bother me because it pulled on my hair. I decided it would be better to have my hair cut. Its definitely a change, however my scalp feels so much and it also is way less maintenance! My hair is not growing and I seem to be losing more everyday now, because of my continuous treatment. As well, after chemo I now start to feel nauseous and I get turned off my food now. Sometimes, just the smell and look of some food makes me sick. Fortunately I o get cravings and when I find a food, I enjoy I eat lots of it. Right now beef products makes me sick and I'm craving Brie cheese and pears. I've also had more issues with my PICC line. I've become so sensitive to tape and adhesive that I can't have any plastic dressings to secure my PICC line in place. Before I had what is called a "stat lock" on my arm which stuck to my arm and then locked my line in place. Unfortunately the adhesive on that made my skin so raw looking and itchy that I now just have gauze around my arm to hold it in place. Today after Chemo #9, when we my dad and I were out to lunch we met another family who we had just met that morning in the chemo clinic. We started up a conversation about chemo and the type of cancer we had. Afterwards I realized that I surprised myself that I was so open to complete strangers about my diagnoses and treatment. The other family had just started their journey with a family member and I believe that being quiet isn't going to help anyone. I even shared with them my amazing news. I hope that knowing that the chemo worked on me it can bring some positivity and optimism to their family. I figure that If i'm open about Cancer I can help relate to others and when I say "I understand" they know that I truly do. It also lets other people know that its Ok to talk about Cancer and it may help them get things off their chest. I think people are afraid to talk about Cancer because they do not want to offend anybody. I figure Its my Cancer journey not theirs. Although I've has some trouble recently, I cant let that get to me knowing that the chemo has done it job and that soon enough I'll be back where I belong. I still have to keep my positive going through the next three chemo's but since the morale boost from my recent camping trip and this incredible news, I believe that I have it in me to continue this battle.
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On Friday I flew to Montreal to attend the "Sur La Pointe Des Pieds Getaway Expedition". The foundation "Sur La Pointe Des Pieds" is a foundation based in Chicoutimi, Quebec that allows young people living with cancer to enjoy a therapeutic "getaway" trip in the outdoors. When I first applied to this expedition, I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to meet other young adults who are in the boat as me, as well as give me an opportunity to get out of the house. I did just that, but when I applied I had no idea I wouldcome back with the most amazing friendships and a different outlook on life. This Getaway Expedition was one of the shortest trips of my life however it was the most meaningful and memorable. When I flew to Montreal I was greeted by some of the other participants and the expedition facilitators. From the beginning, we were so open about our illnesses and diagnoses. For the very first time, I was understood. I was one of the few English speaking participants; However, the language barrier didn't hold us back. With the help of some translations, we were able to communicate. That night we had dinner at the hotel and discussed so many things such as our illnesses but we also related ourselves by what we liked to study, eat and do for fun. We didn't just talk about Cancer which was also a nice break. The next morning, we met the rest of the participants. There were 10 of total, some of us were in remission and some were still in treatment like myself. Immediately we all bonded and traveled on the bus all the way to Poission Blanc which is North of Gatineau. On the bus there, we had to hand in all of our electronics which were our phones and watches. That meant for the next few days, we weren't allowed communication with the outside world nor the time of day. Truthfully, I didn't miss my phone at all and it meant that we were all truly invested into this trip. Our mind was focused on this trip and nothing else. This also allowed us to not stress or worry about a schedule. The schedule was in the hands of our facilitators and we just focused on supporting each other. We started at a base camp where we spent that night there. There we were handed all of out gear that we would need for the next few days. The next few days were spent canoeing in large voyager canoes on Poisson Blanc Lake and camping out in the woods. I loved the canoeing and even had a chance to steer many times! I've canoed many time before and obviously steered many boats boats before but It gave me that extra boost of self - confidence and that I needed. At night we all slept in one big 15 man tent. The last night, a few of us decided that we should sleep on the beach under the stars, I am so glad we did. I had the best sleep and it was so refreshing to sleep outside and fall asleep looking at the stars. Throughout the expedition I had the most meaningful conversations with other participants. Over the 4 short days we bonded so much. I have never felt so close to someone in such a short amount of time until now. Of course, it was definitely the circumstances that brought us together, but knowing that I was finally understood and to be an ear to listen for someone else or a shoulder to cry on is such an amazing feeling. This Getaway Expedition taught me so many lessons that I will need in order to continue this fight. The first thing is that I can't compare myself others. I have recently been struggling with the fact that I wasn't able go on work term like the rest of my classmates and continue my studies. Since school started I felt down when I saw people starting school again. However, my life is different from others and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. At some point in life we all realize that we are all on different journeys and we aren't meant to be the same. I just had to learn this early on in life. We all go through life at different stages. I don't know when I'll graduate, travel again or start a family but by the time I accomplish those things I will have so much done like beaten Cancer. I will treat life as a gift as I already am. I will do things that make me happy and I will leave anything negative in my life. Life is not a race. The second thing I've come to realize is that the hardest part is yet to come. When I was first diagnosed I had this idea in my head that I would get treatment, beat cancer and get back to my normal life. I have been told that It will be anything but normal. I realize that I will probably always be thinking of Cancer. Cancer does not define me but I can't deny that it is apart of me. Cancer plays a big role in my life and like I mentioned before, it has now changed the way I look at life. There will be continuous Doctors appointments for the rest of my life and my body will never be the same. I've lost weight and gained weight all at the same time. Hair usually doesn't grow back the same, and the way I eat now had entirely changed. I have been told that moving on is a very difficult challenge and it is more of working through it than moving on. The friendships that I made on this expedition, I will forever hold in my heart. They knew exactly how I felt when I was diagnosed, they know how difficult treatment can be and they know how difficult it is to have Cancer as a young adult. We are supposed to be independent and at the beginning of our careers yet we have to rely on others and take a break and watch others move on in life. When they said "I get it", I knew they truly did. Someone else could say " I get it" or try to help me by relating my cancer to another cancer story they heard, and I truly do appreciate everyone's support but no one else truly understands except for another young adult with cancer. We were able to compare our diagnoses, cancer types and side effects. On the way home, when I was brushing through my hair, a lot of my hair was coming out. Serena, one of my good friends from the trip looked at me waiting for my reaction. I laughed and then so did she. I think most people would have cried but Serena had been through the same thing and to us it just seemed funny because it was almost a perfect place and timing to have hair loss. Where else would you want to have hair loss? Obviously Cancer Camp! The group on this expedition even had the same humor as I did! We could make cancer jokes and not offend anybody. I believe that humor heals even when it is slightly dark. We joked about using the "C-card" or when someone tells us that something such as a type food is going to give us Cancer. When I talked to the other participants it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulder and it felt like I had known these people for year and had walked through my journey with me by my side. At the end of the expedition we had to choose one word to describe the trip. The word that I chose was "Exhilarating". For the first time since my diagnoses I felt like I could truly breathe. I was out in the fresh air having the time of my life and I was understood. I have never laughed so much until that trip. I obviously didn't forget about Cancer, but on this trip felt at peace and I was enjoying life. I haven't been able to travel and I have been so busy doing my treatments and attending doctors appointments. I felt like I was in a tunnel just looking at the end goal. One participant at the beginning said that she didnt get the whole therapy part of the trip, but at the end we all laughed about it. There weren't really therapy sessions but just being outside in nature with other who understand you was the therapy. I truly needed to "get away". Now that I am home and getting back to my regular routine, I'm missing the trip Incredibly. I can't wait till we are reunited again but I know that my new friends will continue to support me and that they are only a phone call or message away. I have Chemo #8 this week, I have a new boost of energy to get my through it! Below I have shared some pictures from the expedition, I promise there are plenty more coming your way! |
Author: Katie BarkerJust an average Sailor who battled Cancer and won! Archives
August 2018
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