How the hell do I respond to “Are you good now?” Being in a new environment means that I’m in a space where not many people know my Cancer story. When I tell people, this is the response I get 99% of the time. This response could possibly be because they are in shock and don’t know how to respond.
But what do they mean by good? If they were asking if I was cancer free then they should ask if I’m cancer free or not! If they are asking about my overall health now, of course not! I had poison pumped in to my body for 6 months, my body is not good. Remember; cancer doesn’t end when treatment ends. On the other hand people are so afraid to say the word “Cancer”. I believe people are so afraid to say it because they think it’s a death sentence. I shouldn’t be ashamed to tell my story or say cancer. In 2018, you would think that people would be able to communicate more thoroughly. Being in a new environment where people don’t know my story, I sometimes feel like I’m living a double life especially when I’m only 8 months out. And when I do decide to share it, this is the response I get. I’m sometimes torn whether I should keep my mouth shut or not. I don’t tell everyone I meet one the street obviously but when working or even dating, I feel like it’s something that I want to tell them. I especially tell people I work with because if something went wrong they need to know and even just day to day I work a little bit behind everyone. I don’t want people to be easy on me to understand and have that knowledge. As I’ve said before Cancer doesn’t end when you ring the bell. The first few months after treatment when I went back to school was more of a recovery stage. I found I was rushing to find my “new normal”, thinking there would be a point of no more struggles or new health problems. I thought the new normal would mean I would just work at a slower pace. I was completely wrong. I’ve changes my mind set from working out till I get my body back to working out to find how my body works. Day to day I struggle to get out of bed. My feet swell up after being on my feet all day. I have severe allergies. I don’t have the same strength as I used to. I have horrible circulation. My lungs suck and I need more sleep. So to the “are you good” question: No. However; I am cancer free, enjoying every day despite the struggle and am enjoying and loving my work. I love where I am in my life, and I’m supported my some humans. I’m not good but I am thriving.
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Author: Katie BarkerJust an average Sailor who battled Cancer and won! Archives
August 2018
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